15th March 2007
‘GLITZY’ HIGH PEAK SWINGS INTO POLE POSITION
I’ve just turned to page 3 of my local rag. I can’t see Samantha Fox in all her glory but it’s looking a bit racy nonetheless. There’s an unbelievably blurry photo (narrow your eyes and it could be 3D) of what could conceivably pass for a swingers gathering (quite popular round here, so my cleaner tells me). Four scantily clad ladies of a certain age (they love a bit of cleavage up north) are seemingly throwing back their heads in laughter (or ecstasy?) while a man in a dickie bow kneels in front of them, hands outstretched. He’s either a dwarf or the stripper at a hen party about to perform some lewd act or other. A lone man to the left of the picture is clapping, two others to the right are looking at the camera with the sort of rigid smiles that suggest they may have a rather stiff pole up their backsides. And there’s a load of leery people lurking at the back trying to get in on the action. Oh hang on, no, look, I’ve just seem the caption: ‘High Peak Borough Council staff and councillors at the award ceremony’. Reading on, ‘The work of High Peak Borough Council has been recognised nationally after it scooped a top award at the’Oscars’ of the local government sector’. That explains the dresses then. ‘At a glitzy ceremony in London on Monday night, the authority walked off with the Local Government Chronicle Council of the Year Award’. Well, there’s proud, as they say oop ‘ere. Still, I can hardly conceive of anything less ‘glitzy’ than a room full of local councillors – but yet more surprising is that Rory Bremner was hosting this laugh-a-minute ceremony. Must have fallen on hard times poor love. I wonder how much they paid him to say ‘“High Peak Borough Council is a highly ambitious and resourceful district council. The performance management systems and emphasis on efficiency and value for money have enabled them to deliver excellent services with low council taxes. (Are you still awake? – Ed). The judges were particularly impressed by their partnerships.”’ See, told you it was a swingers party.
Elsewhere on the page it's rather less jolly: 'Man charged with GBH'; 'Two killed in weekend accidents'; 'Home search found heroin'. Oh, and 'Close shave over sheep shearer crisis'. Ah yes, life is never dull round these parts.