Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Nice Smells and Nasty Smells

Kitchens should be full of nice smells - the frying of onions, a waft of garlic, toast and the aroma of fresh coffee. Today mine has been a far cry from this idyll. I came down this morning to be met by an updraft of cheesy stench which I spent some time puzzling over. Now, at some point over the last 24 hours - and I really can't remember if it was last night or this morning - I heard a big bang. It sounded like something had fallen down or over, but I couldn't see anything obvious. It was only when I went to take my tea mug to the sink at around 9am that I was overwhelmed by the hideous odour. Bit by bit, my senses took in the information: a breakfast plate put down in a puddle of something which came to light only when I picked it up to put it in the dishwasher; a large amount of white spatters all over the cupboards next to the sink...and then finally the penny dropped. Yesterday I had been sorting the fridge out a bit - things liquifying in the vegetable drawer, a mouldy punnet of strawberries, you know the sort of thing (let's not pretend we're all domestic goddesses, eh?) - and had also removed a well-out-of-date but not opened carton of single cream (lid slightly swollen) and a very bloated packet of mozzarella cheese. Both these were victims of our sailing holiday - never got round to eating them before we went away and didn't get round to eating them when we got back because vaguely conscious they were past their sell-by-date and would probably be less than palatable (nothing worse than cream or milk that's turned -specially when you've just put it in your tea or on your cereal! highly gag-worthy). My eyes fell on the packet of mozzarella next to the sink which I had put there yesterday and was summoning up the courage to open and put down the waste disposal in the sink (such is my obsession with recycling, you see, that I didn't just dump the whole unopened lot in the bin - a decision I now regret). I noted that it was no longer bloated. Indeed. Such was the build-up of gas and putrification inside it (especially since removed from cold fridge and left in warm kitchen) that the wretched thing had exploded. Oh joy. I then spent a merry half hour or more disinfecting, washing down, bleaching and generally trying to eliminate the hideous smell which seems to have seeped into every pore of the marble worktop and grain of the wooden cupboard doors. It's been with me all day - even under my fingernails, which will not disappear despite endless washing and much gardening.

Then, to cap it all, this afternoon, having picked up the girls from the school bus and been to the library and the doctors' surgery, I then found myself having to 'age' paper for G's history project on Great Explorers of Tudor Times. I have been putting sheets of photocopying paper in the top oven of the Aga to make them turn brown, then taking matches and pretty well using up a whole box and making a whole load of mess, let alone risking life and limb and the house insurance, by burning the edges to make it look more authentic. Tonight, of course, trying to do too many things at once, I burned them all not once, not twice, but three times - releasing acrid burning smells into the kitchen every time I opened the oven door and realised I'd cocked up again.

Ah yes, my home is a joy to be in right now. A far cry from glossy interiors mags where scented candles glow romantically in every corner and piles of home-made cakes and freshly baked bread are arranged enticingly on the perfect country kitchen table....No, let's get real shall we?

On the up side, I have managed to scribble down a new Fridge Food post, long overdue, if you want to pop over and take a look (and if the antics I describe above haven't put you off!). Here are a couple of photos to tempt you....





8 comments:

Pondside said...

Well.....to be honest......the preamble has made me a little less eager than usual to visit a food post. I had to laugh at this though - especially the bit about aging the paper. Been there, done that. I was never one of those beautifully coiffed and aproned mums smiling beatifically at pretty children working at a country kitchen table - it was always the 11th hour in a messy kitchen, the kids long in bed an me cursing the teacher and swearing NEVER again to fall for the "Mum, I just need....." line.

Jill said...

Hahaha! I have a very strong sense of smell and things like you describe really set me off! I just got rid of the mysterious smell from my fridge - blue cheese in a thick plastic container.

Deborah said...

Very funny! I love mozzarella but would certainly have to avoid it for quite some time after an event like this...

Queen of the Rant said...

Dont worry today is a new day, but sorry I had to laugh at your rotten explosion

Mark said...

I once knew a cha who left a frozen chicken in his car and then went on holiday for fortnight - the smell was so bad he had to replace the carpets and upholstery.

HER ON THE HILL said...

Thanks everyone for your comments and anecdotes - Mark, that chicken one sounds horrific! It reminds me though of a similar story long ago in London when N shared a flat with a mate. He and I went away in the summer for two weeks, and the flat mate was away too, so N turned the electricity off (it's the accountant in him!). Doh. We came back, opened the door of the flat and nearly fell backwards by the smell that greeted us. We traced it to the kitchen...and yes, of course, the freezer which had liquified (in every sense) in our absence. Of course, being a boys' flat, there were sausages in there - the whole thing was absolutely heaving with maggots - literally everything was moving! Worse still, the kitchen floor was open floorboards because they'd ripped up the carpet and never got round to putting anything else down, so all this putrifying liquid had seeped down between the floorboards! Luckily N was in the Territorial Army at the time and has a pretty strong stomach, so he set about a manly clean-up. I scarpered, I can tell you - and the flat reeked for months! Nice.

Working Mum said...

Eugh! Just off to check the date on my mozarella before I go on holiday tomorrow..............

Nutty Gnome said...

Ha ha ha - I'm definitely NOT a domestic godess - but I've never had exploding mozarrella because Himself is convinced he'll get food poisening if if he eats anything that is within 24 hours of its sell by date. He has NO idea how close to the wind I sail on that one on a regular basis!!

You also brought back memories of setting fire to numerous bits of paper over the years in aid of 'aged' paper for projects!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...